I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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