i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
