Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
