More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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