Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
