Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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