You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
