Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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