I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
