I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
