Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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