in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
