okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
