Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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