Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
