I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
