So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
