2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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