You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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