Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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