Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
