Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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