I cockslap morals
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
