I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
