I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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