ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
