y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
