Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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