There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
