No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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