That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
