idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
