Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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