Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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