Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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