I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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