Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
