Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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