Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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