Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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