Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
