.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
