sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
