how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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