another moral hangover. fuck.
i think my mom watched the whole time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
