I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
