I want you more than these girls want KFC
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
