No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
