the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
