Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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