when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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